gastrophiles. bethany & jason.

He's a professional b-boy (breakdancer) and she’s a brand planner. They met at the Minnesota College of Art and Design. She was doing ethnography about breakdancing and he was her research participant. They've been together for seven years and married for almost two. They are both active within the arts community - he performs at a variety of theaters and clubs, and she volunteers her marketing skills for different theaters and non-profit groups. His son, Elijah, is eleven and they both are having a lot of fun figuring out what it means to be parents to a (almost) teenager! 

During our night together, we enjoyed fish tacos, grapefruit margaritas and wonderful conversation.

GD: Do you cook together very often?

Bethany: I don’t think I’m great at making food. I’m not very creative in terms of "this would go great with this." It’s more like I could make one of these five things, or we could go to a restaurant and let someone who’s awesome cook food for us.

GD: Ha! That’s a difficult choice. The truth is that most people do create a routine of foods that they cook and like to eat on a regular basis, and sometimes, when inspired, they’ll experiment.

Bethany: Do you guys do that?

GD: Of course! We make a lot of the same things because we like them. We make spaghetti once or twice a month. We roast chicken a lot.

GD: Is one of you the executive chef?

Bethany: It would probably be me because I’m fucking bossy about everything in life.

Jason: No, it’s not like that…

Bethany: Jason is actually a better cook than I am. Seriously. He took cooking classes in High School and that stuck with him through all of his life.

Jason: I learned how to measure and follow directions.

GD: That’s not a bad thing.

Bethany: Jason is the one, if there isn’t any food in the apartment, he’s the dude that says, “Okay, we have this and this and I’m going to make this.” And he’ll put it together and I’ll eat the shit out of it.

GD: That’s awesome. That’s something we’ve been challenging ourselves to do lately. It’s fun to get creative. It’s actually a restaurant technique - because you order ingredients that you want to sell, but you can only sell so much of it, then you’ve got to figure out how to use up the rest and eliminate waste.

Bethany: You guys should teach a cooking class

GD: We are definitely talking about that. It’s going to happen, we are just trying to figure out logistics.

GD: Do you have any favorite cookbooks?

Bethany: You know what’s so funny? We have this collection of cookbooks from my grandfather. My mom’s dad was an amazing chef. And he would host these big dinner parties. There are actually menus in some of these books from the dinner parties he would throw. It was totally his thing. He was super social and an artist. I wanted them because of all the stuff that was in them. It’s ironic that I took the cookbooks because I didn’t really want the recipes, but I saw all the notes and the names and I knew this is like the quintessential things my grandpa would do.  I took the books because of that. 

GD: Do you entertain?

Bethany: It’s one of those weird things…I think I’m missing that gene that wants to have people over and cook for them. Maybe I was never properly domesticated.

Lo: I can relate to that.

Bethany: But well-behaved women - they don’t make history, you know.

Lo: I know that's right.

GD: When you were young, did you cook?

Jason: I didn’t know how to cook until I took classes, then I would cook for the whole family.

GD: You must have liked it.

Jason: Yeah, I did.  I watched Yan Can Cook growing up. He inspired me to learn.

GD: Do you cook more or less when your son is here?

Jason: More. He’s eleven, and now he can make stuff for himself.

Bethany: With him, I think it’s important to teach him stuff.  Especially with childhood obesity.  Are you guys down with Jamie Oliver?

GD: We are totally down with Jamie Oliver.

Bethany: When he won the TED award – and I heard him talking about how kids don’t know what different vegetables are – it made me feel like education is really important. I want to teach him how to cook so he’s not the kid who only eats at McDonald’s. I wouldn’t feel good about that.

GD: That’s a great motivation.

GD: How are your cooking styles different?

Bethany: I just think that I am more of a control freak about it. I’ll have a vision in my head of how something should look, and if its not going that way, I’ll get frustrated. Jason is more fluid and flexible. Which is probably a more fun way to cook.

Jason: I think I have a better sense of timing than Bethany. I’m not saying she has bad timing, but I try to make everything end at the same time.

GD: Have you learned anything about each other through cooking?

Bethany: I’ve learned that Jason is very particular. He is a very picky eater as well as a vegetarian.  And he doesn’t really like vegetables all that much, which is ironic.

Jason: But we’ve both learned what we like. So we make the food we know the other person is going to eat and enjoy.

GD: So, what do you like to cook and eat?

Jason: Fish tacos, of course, and homemade macaroni and cheese.

Bethany: It’s not baked. It’s like the VIP version of Kraft macaroni & cheese. We make our own cheese sauce.

Jason: I make huevos for Bethany every weekend. Black beans and eggs and cheese on tortillas.

GD: How did you know you were in love?

Jason: When you realize the other person will do almost anything for you and help you out and believe in what you do. That’s a big thing for me because most people don’t believe in artists.

Bethany: We’ve been together for seven years, but I still remember how much fun it was to have a crush, to be nervous and to sweat. When you spend time together you get past all that, but it’s knowing that the grass won’t be greener anywhere else.

Jason: The key is to keep challenging or surprising the other person. You don’t want to get bored. 

GD: What’s the secret to keeping your relationship cooking?

Jason: I know you have to listen. After awhile you should learn what your partner likes. If you’re smart and you want to keep your relationship going, you need to know those little things that make the other person happy.

Bethany: I feel like once you stop believing in the other person, forget about it. No matter what crazy, seemingly unrealistic stuff Jason has said he wants to do with his life, I’ve always believed he could do it, and he always does it. He believes in all my ridiculous things too.

Jason: That’s because I’ve been through it…those times when nobody believes you can accomplish it, and it’s not even a popular thing. Going through what I had to go through to reach my goals has made me really patient and able to take the punch (judgment) when it happens. I think between my optimism and Bethany’s realism, we learn a lot from each other.

She’s taller. He’s shorter. She talks. He listens. She has a vision for what should be. He likes to go with the flow. In cooking as in life - differences are beautiful.